How To Deal With Awkward Co-workers Like Richard Dawkins Deals With Extreme Christians

by elizabethfcoates

Dear Salmons,

This topic could go disastrously wrong. Already I can hear the hate mail dirtying my hard-drive, insults more suitable for someone punching baby Jesus in the face than noting Richard Dawkins finds extreme Christians awkward.

An awkward co-worker and an extreme Christian is the same thing to an atheist; how the hell do you deal with them without causing offence?

I shall be straight here; I am quasi-Christian (I follow Quaker practices), and even I find Westboro Baptist Church to be a little strong for me. I use my beliefs to cope with weird co-worker behaviour (such as turning up the heater with the door open – logical), to make me patient.

But sometimes, the equivalent of picketing a soldier’s funeral comes up, and the beliefs fly out of the open window.

A recent case is thus; I arrived at work Yesterday and found the shop in shambles. My co-worker had been in the two previous days, and did not seem to have been doing much. The shelves were near empty, the accounts were all jumbled and there was spoilt milk a little close to the fudge ingredients for my liking.

I fixed these problems, no problem, just a little rattled. Then the stinker came, to the funeral, and farted on the flowers; a dead mouse in the window.


Oh good, you can spell. Now sweep the floor! It’s filthy from your crap.

Not just dead, but massacred.

The ushers also dropped the coffin, as I found his drugs in a hidey hole outside the shop. He smoked some of them, but I think this was where the selling happens, due to some money being amongst them. A drug den? In the shop? 

Way to keep your ‘beliefs’ private, eh?

So, instead of Jesus, I turn to Mr Dawkins for an answer. In respone to the Westboro Baptist Church’s comment –

“There is nothing special, unique, or creative about Richard Dawkins. He’s old and stale. He needs to stop his brand of perversion, fear God, and obey God”

– the wily fox just shows the world the comment, and knows that the world is on his side; these misguided salmon who have forgotten where religion’s water current is supposed to lead them, they need help.

It’s the same with my foolish co-worker. He needs exposure to the real world, and a good slap in the face. Which I think my manager is in line to implement.

How very Christian of me.

Keep swimming, Salmons